It's a Full House, Charlie Brown
by Me
Summary: RKORadio & I wrote this Full House crossover. Charlie Brown has a super crush on Stephanie which hampers his ballplaying. Rerun worries the girl w/braids will think he's cheating. And even more silliness.


Note: RKORadio and I are both such huge Peanuts fans as well as "Full House" ones, after  
some discussions with him on a plot I decided to write this piece. It's a sequel to our story  
"Stephanie, Head of the Cass." It is perhaps the most unique crossover you can imagine - the  
Peanuts kids going to school with CB and gang. Takes place very late 5th season of "Full  
House." Of course, I use book characters insted, and as noted elsewhere in a story there's a  
departure a couple years before this that widens, but something like "Stephanie, Head of the  
Class" would have happened, we both agree. But, you'll like this even if you haven't read the  
other, because it stands alone quite well.  
  
IT'S A FULL HOUSE, CHARLIE BROWN  
  
Sally Brown was prancing around the living room. "Why do we have to change schools? I  
can't even figure out what I'm doing in first grade at my own school. What if I get lost?"  
  
Her third grade brother, Charlie Brown, rolled his eyes. "Look, Sally, it's only for a couple  
weeks. Our family volunteered to be part of this student exchange program with a larger city, so  
we get to go to San Francisco for a couple weeks. I'm sure we'll have fun."  
  
"But what if we have to go someplace like Tokyo next? Or even the moon?"  
  
"It won't be that bad, Sally. Besides, Linus and his family will be there, too." Charlie Brown  
would only go if his best friend could also go. Of course, he mentioned this to Sally for different  
reasons. She had a schoolgirl crush on Linus.  
  
Sally was a little interested now. "Well, maybe. But, I won't know anyone else. And, what if  
I take the wrong bus and wind up going across the Great Golden Bridge?"  
  
"That's Golden Gate Bridge," her brother corrected her. He was quite used to her many  
malaprops.  
  
"Whatever."  
  
"Look, Sally, Linus will be in second grade, just a door down. Peppermint Patty, Marcie, and  
Franklin will be in a different 3rd grade class from mine, but they'll even be there. So will  
Schroeder. We'll all have lunch together. And, I'm sure we'll meet lots of friends." He even  
wondered if he might run into a girl he could talk to - he kind of liked the little red-haired girl in  
his class, but he was always way too nervous to even talk to her.  
  
Meanwhile, Stephanie Tanner was speaking to a first grader in the principal's office. Ever  
since she'd given a Kindergarten student a thorough tongue lashing - with numerous "how rude"s  
- for being extremely rude, she'd become "the bogeyman" to other students, especially younger  
ones. While Stephanie's dad, Danny Tanner, insisted that Stephanie be limited in her work so she  
could keep her grades up, she still spent as much time helping there as the other office aides. She  
could be called upon several times a day at her busiest times, though there were other times she  
wouldn't have anything to do there. The principal liked to handle some things himself to head off  
problems, and the roughest discipline cases - such as some fifth graders, since Stephanie was only  
ten and in fourth - would be handled by the principal. But there were numerous things where it  
was perceived that students would be better able to deal with fellow students.  
  
"So, don't let it bother you that you don't have a dad anymore," she summarized, putting a  
hand on the boy's shoulder. "I've got plenty of people who are like moms for me."  
  
Stephanie smiled. Not only was her dad still around, but her Uncle Jesse and her dad's best  
friend Joey had moved in to help him almost five years ago, after Danny's wife, Pam, died. Later,  
Jesse had met and married Becky Donaldson, her dad's co-host on a local TV program. In  
addition, her sister D.J., fifteen, even functioned as one, though Michelle, being only five, was  
more likely to see D.J. as a mom-like figure on various occasions when younger.  
  
"Nice job," the principal complimented her. "You're pretty good at giving advice, you know  
that?"  
  
"Thank you, Sir." Stephanie always prided herself on how polite she was in school, even if  
caught misbehaving, such as when she'd often get in trouble for talking in Kindergarten and first  
grade. She was one of those kids who was very, very verbal at a young age. It was ironic, D.J.  
had said. Steph had never been sent to the principal's office herself, but she'd been able to take  
on a role where she could help not only kids who were upset or something, but also kids who  
were in enough trouble to get sent themselves.  
  
"Next week you might be kept busy. We'll have a couple dozen kids coming from a very  
small rural community," the assistant principal informed her.  
  
"Thanks. I'll have to ask my Aunt Becky about how to handle them. She grew up in  
Nebraska." Stephanie grinned. She loved being able to help any way she could.  
  
When Monday came, Stephanie had her first challenge quickly. One third grade class was  
having a history quiz. And one girl had become quite agitated and simply started putting down  
any answers she could - including "H2O," "19," and "Charlotte's Web." And, she was verbalizing  
the answers as she did it.  
  
Though Stephanie had been called to other classrooms to help before, the "Big Sister of  
Frasier St. Elementary" usually was asked to meet a child in the principal's outer office. She was  
with this one, too.  
  
However, before she could get inside the principal's office, she saw a girl with a piece of paper  
wandering the hall near the third grade classrooms. She walked up to her, wondering what the  
problem was.  
  
"I'm supposed to talk to this girl named Stephanie," Peppermint Patty explained. She was  
frustrated, though as much at herself as anything.  
  
"I'm Stephanie. What seems to be the problem?" She took the slip of paper and read as  
Peppermint Patty spoke.  
  
"I don't know why I bother with school. Everywhere I go, it's the same - D-minus! I must be  
the stupidest person in the country," she complained.  
  
"No, that would be Kimmy Gibbler," Stephanie said seriously. She explained to the girl's  
questioning look: "She's my older sister's best friend. She's in 9th grade, and I don't know how  
she got through the first eight."  
  
Patty hadn't thought it possible. "Wow. You mean I'm smarter than a ninth grader?"  
  
"Sometimes I think our dog is smarter than Kimmy," Stephanie teased. She then got serious.   
"Look, I know some subjects are hard. But, don't turn into a Kimmy. You have to keep trying."  
  
As Stephanie spoke to Peppermint Patty, Charlie Brown and his class walked into the hallway  
for a bathroom break. Suddenly, Charlie Brown gazed at Stephanie. His eyes widened, and he  
broke into a broad grin. Stephanie's blonde hair sparkled in the sunlight that glistened through  
the windows, and her ponytail seemed to beckon him over. He continued to look back and think  
about her as he walked with the rest of the class...  
  
...and walked straight into the wall as he tried to round the corner.  
  
"Are you all right, Charlie Brown?" Schroeder asked.  
  
"Maybe you should get your eyes checked," Lucy, Linus' sister, speculated.  
  
"Guys...did you see her," Charlie Brown asked as they walked toward the bathrooms. "That  
adorable blonde haired girl...she makes the cute little red-haired girl back home look like you..."  
he began as he looked at Lucy. He then noticed her incredible scowl, so he switched gears and  
said, "...r brother, Linus."  
  
"That's Stephanie Tanner," explained one of the other students.  
  
"Yeah, she's tough as nails on bad kids. But she can be the nicest girl around, too," explained  
another.  
  
"She helps the principal out with things. I went to see her to talk when my grandma died. She  
lost her mother when she was only five," a third explained.  
  
As Charlie Brown heard the students raving about Stephanie, he could only think of two  
things. Number one, she was a really great girl. Number two, he didn't even think he was good  
enough for the red-haired girl. So, he was about as cut out for going with Stephanie as his dog  
Snoopy was.  
  
Michelle was sitting at lunch with her friend Cassie Wilkins. They saw a boy wandering  
around carrying a lunch box. "Come over here," Michelle hollered, waving to him.  
  
"I don't know if I should," Rerun Van Pelt, Linus' brother, said as he sat across from  
Michelle. He looked around, a little confused. He was used to sitting outside on the playground  
for lunch, as they all did in their small town school. "There's this girl I sit with back home. I feel  
like I'm cheating on her."  
  
"What's that mean?" Cassie asked.  
  
"Uncle Jesse says it's when you make them check into Heartbreak Hotel," Michelle explained.   
Jesse was a huge Elvis fan.  
  
Michelle turned to Rerun. "What's her name?"  
  
"I don't remember. We don't talk about those things." He then said, "I hope I'm not doing  
anything wrong. I don't want to be sent to see Stephanie. I hear she's really loud. Even louder  
than Lucy."  
  
"She's a great big sister. But, if she's really angry, cover your ears." Stephanie wasn't that  
way at home. But, Michelle knew Rerun was talking about school. And, Stephanie was a bit  
different at school. She was always tough on herself - she thought nobody could ever love her  
again when she crashed Joey's car into the kitchen once. And, she expected others to be as good  
as she tried to be at school.  
  
Rerun asked what made her angry, and Michelle explained. "She says she'll do whatever she  
has to do to get me to be nice at school. And I make sure she doesn't have to do anything. I  
mind my manners and don't say things like duh.'"  
  
"Thanks, I'll remember that."  
  
Charlie Brown, Linus, and their families were staying with a couple host families around the  
corner from the Tanners. Lucy had discovered an old cardboard box used by one of the couples'  
now grown daughters as a lemonade stand booth. She quickly wrote on it herself, and opened her  
own "psychiatric help" booth like back home.  
  
Once he was done with homework, Charlie Brown walked over to Lucy's booth. It was nice  
to see such a familiar sight in this new neighborhood. He sat on a stool in front, and asked Lucy,  
"I saw the most beautiful girl today, and I walked right into a wall. Why can't I seem to do  
anything right?"  
  
"Everyone can do something right, Charlie Brown," Lucy said as Michelle rode her bike into  
the yard. She was so proud to be able to ride without training wheels! "Let's try to think of  
things you can do, not things you can't."  
  
"Well, let's see..."  
  
As he thought, Michelle walked up to the booth. She thought she knew what it was. "One  
cup of lemonade, please," she said.  
  
Most kids would have chuckled, at least - nobody had ever mistaken Lucy's booth for a  
lemonade stand. Lucy, however, simply said crabbily,"Can't you read? This is a psychiatric  
booth," Lucy said as if Michelle was sure to know what that meant.  
  
When Michelle asked what that was, Charlie Brown explained. "I go here when I have  
problems and need someone to talk to. I just feel like such a loser sometimes."  
  
"My Uncle Jesse's like that, too. He's the only one in our house without a job now. And he  
keeps trying to write songs," Michelle finished.  
  
"Really? Sounds like he might be able to understand me better."  
  
"Would you like to talk to him? Follow me?"  
  
As Charlie Brown followed Michelle on her bike, Lucy hollered, "Hey, come back! Stop  
stealing my customers!"  
  
"You got a bad attitude," Michelle shouted back.  
  
Jesse was finishing up feeding his and Becky's twin infants when Michelle and Charlie Brown  
walked into the kitchen. D.J. and Kimmy were at the table studying.  
  
"Uncle Jesse? My friend needs psychiatric help."  
  
"Michelle!" D.J. stared at Michelle with an open-mouthed look that said both, "That's very  
rude!" and "Where did you ever hear that term?"  
  
"What?! What are you talking about, munchkin? Where did you hear that?" Jesse asked.  
  
"Well, you see, Sir, one of my friends, Lucy, has this booth. It looks like a lemonade stand.   
But, she writes psychiatric help' on it and my friends and I go there to talk," Charlie Brown  
explained.  
  
"Gee," Kimmy said. "Maybe I ought to try that out before I go home. Care to go with me,  
Deej?"  
  
"Sure, Uncle Jesse can talk to Michelle about saying that." D.J. knew her uncle was very  
good at dealing with problems. The fifteen-year-olds left as Becky arrived home.  
  
As Charlie Brown and Jesse talked, Danny and Joey arrived home, too. They had picked up  
Stephanie at her friend Allie's.  
  
"You've got a point, Sir," Charlie Brown was saying. He barely paid attention to the men, but  
when Stephanie entered, he began sweating a little. There was the girl of his dreams, right there  
in that house. "I...I...er..." he sputtered.  
  
"Hi," Stephanie said to him.  
  
"She talked to me. She talked to me! The blonde-haired girl...I mean, Stephanie actually  
talked to me! Wow, wait till I go tell everyone!" He ran out of the door yelling "she talked to  
me! She talked to me!"  
  
"What was that all about?" Stephanie asked.  
  
Jesse shook his head and waved a hand. "Aw, just some kid who thinks nothing ever happens  
right for him, so he's got no chance for the girl he's got a crush on," he explained.  
  
"Who does he have a crush on?" Michelle wanted to know.  
  
"I think he has a crush on Steph here."  
  
"Ooooh," Michelle said teasingly. Stephanie held her head in her right hand. She did not need  
a boy having a crush on her when she didn't even know him. Besides, he seemed more nervous  
than anyone she could recall. Even Allie wouldn't get that tongue-tied, she didn't think, and she  
was really shy sometimes.  
  
"Hey, don't worry about it, Steph, this kid, Charlie Brown, he just has a major fear of failure.   
Hey, tell you what. The early spring baseball season's over. You've been talking about just  
having fun and playing some sort of all-star game. Charlie Brown and his friends play - maybe  
you can invite them to join your squad. That way, he'll feel like he's accepted, and you'll be able  
to do something both of you like."  
  
"Good idea. Thanks, Uncle Jesse," Stephanie said.  
  
Stephanie had just started to discuss the baseball game with several other players in their  
league who also went to their school Tuesday morning. Suddenly, a disturbance broke out on the  
playground.  
  
Actually, it sounded like a lovers' spat. Which was strange, considering that the children  
involved were in first and second grade.  
  
The playground monitor noticed Stephanie walking toward them. "Oh, Stephanie, there you  
are," Mrs. Yoshida said. She was one of the fourth grade teachers. "I'd like to get to my class  
early, would you please help me by settling this?" the teacher requested.  
  
"Sure. Come on to my office, you two," Stephanie instructed them.  
  
As Stephanie led them inside to a part of the outer principal's office sectioned off with  
masking tape, she heard complaints by the boy that he was not the girl's sweet babboo, and by the  
girl that he was. Stephanie rolled her eyes. These two sounded like they needed a marriage  
counselor, not a mediator.  
  
"Hold it. Hold it!" Stephanie said, holding up her hands as she stood in front of the children.  
  
"He's looking at other girls," Sally complained.  
  
"Wait a minute. I need some basic facts here. Like your names," Stephanie said.  
  
"Oh, sorry." Sally could tell by the tone and the office that she was in something like the  
principal's office. She decided that she'd better start acting more polite because of this. "Are you  
like an office aide here?"  
  
"Sort of. Now, what are your names?  
  
"I'm Linus Van Pelt, and this is Sally Brown."  
  
Stephanie nodded. "Ah, now we're getting somewhere. You two are from the small town  
exchange group, right?" They nodded. "Do you always act like you don't know if you're  
married or not?"  
  
"This is my sweet babboo, whether he likes it or not," Sally explained, trying to be as kind as  
she could.  
  
Linus began to respond, then realized that Stephanie was sort of an authority figure here. So,  
he address her instead. "Sally likes me, but I don't want a girlfriend."  
  
"Hmmm." Stephanie rubbed her chin. "Look, Linus, if she wants to have a pet name for you,  
that's fine. She'll grow out of it. You have to learn to ignore things. Just be glad she's not like  
the kids who would call me Step on me' at times last year. And Sally," she said in a more  
authoritative voice. "Let me tell you something that happened to me. When I was your age, I  
was married for ten minutes." She had had a pretend marriage ceremony with a few friends when  
she felt she wasn't getting enough attention.  
  
"You were?" Sally said, incredibly shocked. She thought all that was possible at her age was  
to have a boyfriend.  
  
"That's right. And you know what? The first time his mom made meatloaf, he ran home, and  
I almost never saw him again."  
  
"That's too bad," Linus said compassionately.  
  
"Sally, if you hang around Linus too much now, you'll have your heart broken. But, if you  
wait, you might have something that lasts a lot longer. Take the prom, for instance. Ever heard  
of the prom?" Sally hadn't. "It's a really big dance in high school. My older sister D.J. told me  
about it. You're supposed to be like Cinderella. My dad even proposed to my mom at their  
prom. We're talking marriage, kid. The real deal, not that ten minute baloney," Stephanie  
declared. She was now in full ramble mode. "Something meant to last forever. If you just wait  
till you're in high school to hang around him a lot, you could have a prom like that. The most  
romantic time you can imagine. Isn't that what you'd rather have, instead of ten minutes of being  
Sally Van Pelt and Linus Brown?"  
  
"Of course," Sally said.  
  
"Then you have to wait. Go easy on Linus. Don't bug him so much. Just dream of that prom  
ten or so years from now."  
  
"Okay. Thanks," both said.  
  
Later that morning, Rerun and Michelle sat at a table sipping milk and eating cookies. Rerun  
said, "My sister's mad at you. She says you took her customer."  
  
"She's got a bad attitude," Michelle responded.  
  
"Sometimes she yells a lot," Rerun admitted. "It sounds like your sister's a lot nicer."  
  
"She is. She helped me make friends my first day here. She's a good baseball player, too.   
You and your friends might play on her team Sunday afternoon."  
  
"I heard. I just hope that girl doesn't think I'm cheating again. Eating with you is bad  
enough," Rerun said gloomily.  
  
"Let's call her after school. What's her phone number?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Do you know her address? You could send her a card."  
  
"I don't know that either."  
  
Cassie offered a suggestion. "Maybe you could write her at school. Do you know how to  
write?" Rerun shook his head. "Anna does. She can read already. I'll go get her."  
  
Cassie returned with Anna, a crayon, and a piece of paper. "Tell Anna what you want to say,  
Rerun."  
  
"Wait," Michelle said. First, let Rerun draw a smiley face. My sister D.J. puts those in her  
diary," Michelle suggested.  
  
"Good idea." Rerun took the paper, and drew the face. He pushed it back to Anna and said,  
"tell her I forget her name. But, I like her."  
  
"And you hope she's doing well," Cassie added.  
  
"Right. And, I ate with Michelle but I'm not cheating," Rerun finished.  
  
"Hold it, hold it," Anna said, writing large letters slowly but well, although she was misspelling  
a few words.  
  
By the time snack time was over, thanks to a few more suggestions from the table, Rerun's  
letter was "perfect." "Let me read it," Anna said. " To the girl with brades. Hi. Its Rerun. I  
forget your name. I'm sorry. I hope you are wel anyway. I also ate with Michelle. Shes a nice  
girl. We mite play ball Sunday. But, Im not cheeting. I stil like you. I wood call you. I never  
got your number. So, I mite not. Bye.'"  
  
Michelle smiled proudly. "What a nice love letter."  
  
Rerun took the paper up to the teacher. "Can you send this to my school, please? It's for a  
girl I like."  
  
"Oh, how lovely," the teacher said, chuckling to herself as she read the note. "Tell you what,  
why don't I put this in an envelope, and we'll all make an art project later today to send to your  
class. I'll send your letter and the art to your school when I go by the post office this afternoon."  
  
"Okay, thanks."  
  
That afternoon, Stephanie and Michelle rode their bikes around the block. Stephanie rode  
slowly so Michelle could keep up. Lucy noticed them from her booth and hollered, "Don't take  
any more of my customers!"  
  
"What was that about?" Stephanie asked. Michelle shrugged.  
  
Stephanie looked back at the booth. " Psychiatric help, five cents.' Someone should send  
Kimmy over there."  
  
"Hey, Uncle Jesse said that's not polite."  
  
"Yeah, I guess you're right. That's mean, even to say to Kimmy. Still, though, it would be  
fun to see what Lucy told...stop your bike." Michelle stopped. "Let's go back and watch, I think  
I see her going over."  
  
Kimmy walked up to Lucy's stand as Stephanie and Michelle watched on their bikes from a  
distance.  
  
"Oh, no, why can't that little girl steal you from me?" Lucy complained loudly. Kimmy had  
been quite annoying to Lucy the previous day.  
  
"A nicer name for her booth would be advice columnist,'" Stephanie noted. "And my advice  
to Kimmy would be to go back with them when they leave."  
  
"Maybe if she gets good enough advice, she will," Michelle suggested.  
  
"We can only dream," Stephanie muttered.  
  
Kimmy, meanwhile, was used to Stephanie's jibes, and so ignored Lucy's and launched right  
into her question. "Most people think I'm a big loser. Just because I got my Spanish test back,  
and I thought the name of some Latin American country was actually the Spanish word for kiss."  
  
Lucy tried to sound understanding, but did a poor job. "A high school student like you should  
know lots of those names! I mean, I'm just naturally smart enough to know Honduras, Paraguay,  
and Peru are countries, but you're in high school! What was the word?"  
  
"Mexico." Lucy started laughing, as did Stephanie and Michelle. "Hey, I couldn't help it, she  
was saying the words for our quiz, and she pronounced it May-hee-co. And the worst part is, I  
want to be able to go to Spain this summer with D.J.. We would leave the second week of June,  
and spend two months there."  
  
"You must be a real blockhead if you don't know how they say Mexico in Mexico," Lucy  
declared.  
  
"But we're not in Mexico. We're in the United States. If she was in Mexico I would have  
expected it."  
  
Lucy glared. "What? That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard! Get out of here, and don't  
come back," Lucy complained, shaking a fist.  
  
"Oh, all right then." She pulled a quarter out of her pocket. "Keep the change."  
  
Lucy looked at the quarter for a moment, then got a big grin on her face. "At least she pays  
well." A sudden look of recognition came on her face, as she shouted for Kimmy to come back  
and ask for more advice. Stephanie and Michelle rode onward, chuckling while talking about the  
upcoming ball game.  
  
"That one boy likes you," Michelle said to Stephanie as they rode.  
  
"Charlie Brown? Yeah, he does."  
  
"I asked Rerun, and he didn't know. Why do they call him by both names?"  
  
"My guess is, one of his friends, probably Lucy, started it when they were really little. And, it  
caught on. Oh, there he is at the park. Let's stop and watch them play."  
  
Linus walked up to them while Charlie Brown threw a pitch to Schroeder catching. Sally was  
practicing in the outfield, in case she was needed. "Hi. Better not let Charlie Brown see you. He  
might get nervous," Linus said to Stephanie. Just then, Charlie Brown noticed her out of the  
corner of his eye, and uncorked a pitch that flew over the backstop. Snoopy, their dog, ran to get  
it. "Too late."  
  
Stephanie jogged out to the mound. "Hey, Charlie Brown. That would have been a great  
throw from the outfield."  
  
"Oh, uh, hi. Well, er, you see..."  
  
"Don't feel too bad. I was actually hoping I could pitch. I won quite a few games this year. I  
even have a knuckleball - you need big hands for that, and I'm starting to develop it a little bit.   
Maybe you could play the outfield."  
  
"Well, ah...sure. Maybe I could be in right. Anyone would be better than Lucy." Charlie  
Brown was having trouble controlling his legs, as they seemed to wobble spasmatically while he  
spoke with Stephanie. He still couldn't believe that this girl was talking to her. And, she was  
twice as nice as the little red-haired girl.  
  
"Hey, big brother," Sally said as she walked up to him. "What's wrong with your legs? They  
look like they're turning into jelly."  
  
"You mean yellow...I mean jell-o," Charlie Brown stammered. "You really look lice...I mean  
nice," he continued to Stephanie.  
  
"Thanks." Stephanie turned to Michelle. "Now this is mega-crush land."  
  
Michelle smiled at Charlie Brown. "Would you like to hold her hand?"  
  
"AAUGH! No, no, I mean, yes...I mean, not that I wouldn't want to...but I'm not saying I  
would...If she wants...but I..."  
  
Stephanie gently guided Michelle away. "Come on, let's be nice to him. If we make him any  
more nervous he might wet his pants."  
  
Charlie Brown was eating lunch with Linus Thursday. "I still can't believe it," he said as they  
sat next to each other in the cafeteria. "Monday she says hello,' and I'm so excited I can't stand  
it. All I can think about is, That adorable blonde girl actually talked to me.' The next day, she  
comes out to see me on the ball field, and I'm so nervous I can't talk or think. I called her luce,'  
for crying out loud. I couldn't even say it right when I tried to correct one of Sally's  
misstatements."  
  
"Well, Stephanie's not just any girl. She's an office aide. With her big family she's got lots of  
help at giving advice. She keeps the rowdier kids in line. Plus, I hear she's a terrific dancer. Face  
it, Charlie Brown. The little red-haired girl has nothing on Stephanie."  
  
"I know. Why would she even bother with me?" He sighed. "I'm afraid if I do something  
wrong, it'll ruin our relationship."  
  
Linus ignored the fact he'd only known Stephanie for several days. Like any best human  
friend, he simply encouraged Charlie Brown. "Maybe she wouldn't. She seems really nice. She  
only really gets mad at kids who are real troublemakers. She kind of lectured Sally and I  
Tuesday, like would happen with our principal. But, she seemed friendly, too."  
  
"Maybe you're right. Still, what if I make an error, or strike out with the winning run on base  
in the ninth? I'm playing right field. I'd rather it be me out there than Lucy, and I guess I'm glad  
she's pitching, if she's that good. She won their league title game last year. But, still..." He  
trailed off, lost in thought. Maybe it was possible for a girl like Stephanie to like him.  
  
Sally was trying to give a report for history later that day. In front of the class, she said,  
"Good afternoon. This report was due at my old school. But, thanks to this program, the grade  
will be given here. And, you have the honor of hearing it here."  
  
"Please get on with it," the teacher said. She was reminded of how Stephanie used to talk all  
the time in class, and wanted to head off an long, rambling speech.  
  
"Certainly, Ma'am. And now, it is my great pleasure to tell you about Egyptian triangles."   
Some students started laughing. "The Ancient Egyptians built big triangles called pyramids.   
These triangles held the bodies of dead Egyptian mummies. Nobody knows where their daddies  
are buried." The laughter rose again, this time to a fever pitch. "What?"  
  
A boy, named James, shouted, "Mummies aren't Mommies! They're dead people wrapped  
up."  
  
"Well, how do you know they're not all mothers!" Sally turned to the teacher. "Ma'am, tell  
him what a mummy is."  
  
"I think they could be men or women, but please, continue with your report," the teacher  
suggested.  
  
"All right, now listen, everyone! The Ancient Egyptians worshiped the sun. But, they didn't  
just do this by going to the beach. They had their own sun god named ra. They would sing  
cheers to him. These cheers are where we get our cheers, such as Rah, rah, sis boom bah!'"  
  
Amid student laughter, the teacher gently corrected her. "Actually, Sally, it's not pronounced  
that way, and it doesn't have anything to do with cheerleading."  
  
"Well, someone should spell it right, then! What's the meaning of a language that doesn't  
sound like it should," Sally said defensively, trying to offer some opposition to the growing  
laughter.  
  
"That's enough, Sally, please sit down," the teacher said.  
  
"Not till we have a language that I can understand. First the mummies fool me into thinking  
they're Mommies, and then those Egyptians have to worship some guy who looks like his name  
should be rah! I want to speak an easier language in school. Like Chinese," Sally complained  
bitterly.  
  
"That's enough, young lady. You are going to the principal's office to calm down," the  
teacher commanded. She took a note that she'd written, and walked Sally down to the office.  
  
Amidst the chorus of "ooh"s was the comment that, "You better hope they don't call for  
Stephanie."  
  
"Yeah, she's got a ten foot pole she carries with her to hit bad kids," James teased. "And if  
you're really bad, she presses a button like those James Bond villains, and you go down a chute  
into a big pool of alligators."  
  
Sally gasped as the teacher walked her to the principal's office. She began to shiver and put  
her hands to her mouth as she awaited her fate. She hoped these kids teasing her weren't serious.   
But, they made Stephanie sound more scary than any principal back home. "She must be like Dr.  
Jackal and Mr. Hyde," Sally said to herself.  
  
Stephanie received the note at the desk of her teacher, Mr. Lowry. She smiled at her best  
friend, Allie Taylor, as she walked back to the computer they were using to study anatomy.   
"Sorry, Allie, gotta go. Take good notes for me?"  
  
"Tough case?"  
  
"Shouldn't be. Sounds like some girl's frustrated about school, and gets even more stressed  
than I would. Except at least she lets it out, Dad says that's important. But, it's the way you do  
it that...why am I telling you this? I need to get down there and see her." Allie smiled warmly at  
her friend's rambling.  
  
The moment Stephanie stepped into the room, Sally squirmed in her chair and cried out,  
"Please don't press that button. I don't want to be alligator food!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"James said you could send me into a tub of alligators if I was real bad," Sally explained  
nervously. "He also said you had a ten foot pole with you to hit with."  
  
Stephanie smiled warmly as she stood in front of Sally. "Sally, James likes to tease. He's been  
in trouble before, too. After James got sent to the principal's office a couple time for his rudeness  
this year, I was lecturing him. He acted like he didn't care. I gave a couple of my how rude's  
while insisting he be respectful and polite. Then, he said, Don't have a cow, man And, just as a  
reaction, because I've always been respectful and polite at school, and expect others to be, I  
smacked him once with my hand. I didn't like it, though, and I can count on one hand the number  
of times I've done that this year. I only do it because sometimes, a principal has to. The principal  
lets me handle some discipline so they can handle more school stuff, and because they say kids  
respond better to other kids. So, if it gets bad enough, I decide it's okay for once not to listen to  
that little voice inside saying to use my words when I'm upset."  
  
"So, you're not going to hit me with a ten-foot pole?"  
  
"Sally, even if you were being really disrespectful and mean, I wouldn't want to hurt you. I  
probably wouldn't hit you. I've never come down planning to hit; there are privileges you can  
lose, or you could have to sit against the wall for timeout. I'd never hit at home or otherwise.   
We don't hit each other in our family. And besides, there's a big difference between a kid who's  
really mean and disrespectful and who won't listen to any correction, and one who is polite and  
willing to listen. And, I'm sure you're the kind who wants to be good, right?" she finished with a  
smile. Her Aunt Becky had told her, as Stephanie's office aide job had evolved over several  
months, that expecting the kids she talked to to be good would help them want to be good.  
  
Sally hastily agreed. "Yes Ma'am. Uh...is that what you want to be called?"  
  
"You can call me Stephanie if you want." Sally was relieved, but became quite dismayed when  
Stephanie said, "Now, we still have to deal with your behavior, Sally."  
  
"I was afraid of that," Sally moaned. She knew she wouldn't be hurt now. But, she still  
expected a gigantic lecture.  
  
"Listen, Sally. You know very well that you are supposed to be nice. Now, I understand you  
were upset. According to your teacher, there were lots of kids laughing at your report."  
  
"That's right."  
  
"Sally, I remember thinking laughing at people was funny. Until I got laughed at myself. It  
was for being friends with this kid the whole class was calling Duckface.' We all got in trouble  
for it. Then, I decided I should try to be friends with him. When I was being laughed at, I  
pointed out to the other kids that they got laughed at, too, at other times. And reminded them it  
hurt. I know you don't know these kids. So, you can't point out stuff that's happened to them.   
But, you can still laugh with them. Don't let them bug you," Stephanie suggested. She squeezed  
into the chair next to Sally, and put an arm around her. She could tell this girl felt alone in a  
strange school, and needed a friend.  
  
"It's not just that. It's the whole language. Why do we have to have words that sound like  
other words? Sometimes I just want to quit school altogether!"  
  
"Sally, my Uncle Jesse has enough trouble as a high school dropout. If you become a first  
grade dropout you'll have no future at all," she said comically. "Look, I know this language is  
tough. I hate silent letters. If it weren't for them, I could have been the school's champion  
speller this year."  
  
Sally smiled. She felt glad to know someone else felt like she did. "Really?"  
  
"Yep. I get really upset at myself when I fail. I bet that's your problem, too. You hate  
failing. But, I didn't give up trying to spell just because I failed. I keep getting better. And, I feel  
good about what I can do. I still was the best speller in the whole fourth grade."  
  
After a couple more minutes, Stephanie let Sally go, with a promise that she would apologize  
to the teacher for yelling. Sally turned around and said, "You must be a great big sister. It's no  
wonder my brother likes you so much."  
  
Stephanie nodded with certainty. She just hoped Charlie Brown could be counted on not to be  
too nervous in their game Sunday at the local little league ballpark.  
  
Friday, Rerun went home with Michelle. After he called his family at the house around the  
corner to let them know he was there, he and Michelle got down to business.  
  
"Daddy won't let me call long distance," Michelle noted. "But we're in the same country,  
right?"  
  
"Right. We know my school's address now. So, we can call and get the phone number."  
  
They called information on the phone in D.J.'s room. Then, they called the school. "Hello,  
this is Rerun. Rerun Van Pelt. You should know me. I go to school there. Do you know the  
girl with the braids in my class? Do you have her address?" Rerun held his hand over the phone  
and turned to Michelle. "He wants to talk to my parents. How can he do that? They're not  
here."  
  
Michelle took the phone. "Let me try." She spoke in a very low voice, mimicking an adult but  
sounding closer to Bullwinkle. "Hello. Rerun is here in San Francisco. He wanted to talk to his  
friend. But, he doesn't have her address." Michelle grinned. "He's getting your teacher."  
  
"Hello," Rerun said when the teacher got on the phone. "Did you get my card?...good, I'm  
glad you liked it. I wanted to send one to that girl who sits with me. Do you know her name?   
Really? Thank you." Rerun got her address, then realized something. "Can you write,  
Michelle?"  
  
"No, but my Daddy has a fax machine."  
  
"We don't have a facts machine in our classroom. Let's find someone to write this down."   
Rerun and Michelle ran into the living room, and asked Jesse to write down the address they told  
him.  
  
As he did, he spoke. "Aw, that's great, munchkins. Writing that little girl a card like that.   
How did you remember that number the whole way home?" Before either could answer, Jesse  
said, "Well, it doesn't matter. There you go." He handed them the sheet, and they ran back  
upstairs.  
  
"Steph and her friends are still busy in our room. We'll use D.J.'s again," Michelle said.  
  
"We don't have her phone number. Oh, you're going to call information again." Once they  
got the number, Rerun dialed the phone. "I got her name from the teacher, too."  
  
"Good."  
  
Rerun spoke for a moment with the mother, then he got to talk to the girl. After they talked  
for a few moments, Rerun gave Michelle the phone.  
  
"Hi. How are you doing?...Do you live on a farm?...I wondered because Rerun said it was a  
very small town....It's very nice here....Good." Michelle put her hand over the phone. "She said  
she didn't mind you eating with me."  
  
"That's good."  
  
"Yes, he's a great friend," Michelle said as Stephanie walked into the room.  
  
Rerun walked over to Stephanie. "Michelle and I are talking to a girl in my class."  
  
Well, tell her we've got about half an hour till supper...uh, you do mean the class here, right?"  
  
"No, back where I live."  
  
"What?!" Stephanie stomped over to Michelle. "Michelle, that's long distance!" she declared.  
  
Rerun could tell Stephanie was angry. "Should I cover my ears?'  
  
When Michelle turned to Stephanie and said, "It's in the same country," Stephanie ripped the  
phone out of Michelle's hand.  
  
"I'm sorry," Stephanie spoke into the phone, "but the children who called you should not have  
been allowed to call. In fact, they weren't....Oh, don't worry, it wasn't your fault. Rerun will see  
you a week from Monday. Bye." Stephanie glowered. "You have two choices. Let me tell Dad  
what you were doing, or you go tell him."  
  
"Either way, I'm going to my room, aren't I?" Michelle said with a sad face. She knew she  
not only had called there, but all the other calls were probably also long distance.  
  
"That's right, and you also won't be able to watch TV tonight, I'm sure. But Dad will be a lot  
less likely to yell if you tell him yourself. Come on," Stephanie said as the ushered the children  
out of the room.  
  
"I'll probably be sent to my room when I get home, too," Rerun said sadly. "What a sad case  
of forbidden love."  
  
Sunday afternoon after church, the children all gathered in the park for the All-Star game.   
Stephanie would be facing a very good pitcher from the other team. A low scoring game was also  
expected because, in the words of Lucy, we just don't have any talent."  
  
"Are you nervous, Charlie Brown," Linus asked him as D.J. and Kimmy unloaded the bucket  
of gatorade.  
  
"Are you kidding, Linus? I'd never get asked to play baseball with the little red-haired girl. I  
almost wish I were back home. It was so much simpler when I knew what was going to happen."   
He glanced around. "Here she comes now," he said, as he noticed Stephanie, Michelle, and Sally  
walking toward him.  
  
"Hey, big brother. Stephanie let me be on the team, too."  
  
"That's great, er, uh, Sally."  
  
Michelle looked oddly at him. "I thought only grandparents forgot kids' names."  
  
"I can't believe you're letting this blockhead start in right field instead of me," Lucy  
complained.  
  
Stephanie sighed. Michelle was right - Lucy could have a bad attitude. "Come on, Lucy, it's  
his team, too. We're combining the best of each squad." Stephanie pulled the lineup card out of  
her pocket. "How about we both take this card up to the home plate umpire."  
  
As Stephanie's hand touched his, Charlie Brown felt the butterflies in his stomach rising to a  
feverish pitch. He couldn't believe that he and Stephanie had actually touched hands. After  
gripping her hand for a couple seconds, he instantly fainted.  
  
"Charlie Brown," Stephanie screamed.  
  
"You killed him!" Sally complained.  
  
Kimmy quickly brought over a half-filled gatorade tank. "Relax, squirts, he just fainted." She  
instantly dumped the gatorade all over him.  
  
"Figures. This blockhead will never have another gatorade bath, and the only one he did have  
he slept through," Lucy said, hands on her hips.  
  
Charlie Brown woke in a daze. "What happened? Why am I all wet."  
  
"Kimmy just gave you a bath in gatorade," D.J. told him.  
  
"You call that a bath?" Michelle scolded D.J.. "Last time you babysat you said I had to have  
soap!"  
  
"Not a real bath, Michelle. Come on, let's find some towels to help him dry off, then go sit  
next to Dad. The game's about to start."  
  
Charlie Brown jogged in from right field after the top of the eighth inning. He'd gradually lost  
his butterflies. Being on the same field with Stephanie wasn't as difficult when he was way out  
there. He didn't have time to think about how cute she looked...no, stop that, he told himself.   
Focus on the game. Remember all the specifics, like the fact we're scoreless in the bottom of the  
eighth.  
  
He smiled. People seemed to be sitting away from Stephanie for the most part, and  
conversation with her seemed rather awkward and forced. Probably helping her concentrate, he  
supposed. And, in a way, maybe helping me, too. I don't feel as lonely avoiding her.  
  
He tried to remember more specifics of the game, such as base runners and number of hits.   
When was the time Stephanie had given up a hit in the game, anyway?  
  
Charlie Brown froze as that thought hit his mind. "Good grief," he muttered.  
  
"What is it," Michelle asked. She'd wandered into the dugout, as she'd gotten restless in the  
stands.  
  
"It's...it's...I can't say it."  
  
"Is it a bad word?"  
  
"No, it's...Michelle, think real hard," Charlie Brown told her. "Do you remember your sister  
giving up a hit?"  
  
Michelle became the first person to look at the scoreboard in a couple innings. "No. Isn't that  
why there's a zero there?"  
  
"Michelle, it's just that you never mention a n- I almost said it," Charlie Brown said in a scared  
voice.  
  
Kimmy and D.J. had come into the dugout to retrieve Michelle. "Said what? That she's  
pitching a no-hitter?" Kimmy said.  
  
"AAUGH!" A loud scream suddenly emerged from Stephanie. She ran up to Kimmy.   
"Kimmy Gibbler, of all the birdbrained things you could do, you never mention a no hitter while  
the pitcher's throwing a no-hitter! It's the worst jinx in baseball! It's even more of a junix than  
the words Cubs' and pennant' together.' Now I'll probably go out in the top of the ninth and  
break a leg, or give up ten runs! How could you do such a thing!"  
  
"Yes, and think of me," Charlie Brown pleaded. "If a ball is hit my way there's no way I'll  
catch it now. I'll keep thinking of that...that thing and miss catching it by a mile. We'd be better  
off with Lucy out there in that case."  
  
"Then why did Stephanie use me as a pinch-hitter in the seventh?" Lucy exclaimed. "Now I  
can't play any more in this game."  
  
"Because Charlie Brown said you would strike out, and he was right. You couldn't have hit  
that ball with a gangplank, it was so far away from where you swung." Stephanie moaned.   
"What am I going to do, we still don't have any runs, and if I go out there now, I'm going to be  
so nervous I won't be able to find the plate."  
  
D.J. interjected. "Steph, I know it's nerve-wracking to think about a no-hitter. But, you  
always try to get each batter out one at a time, anyway. And besides, we can still score a run  
right now. It's your turn, Charlie Brown," she told him.  
  
"Huh? Oh, thanks." He left hurriedly.  
  
"And you say I couldn't have gotten a hit? At least I took a bat with me," Lucy announced.  
  
Charlie Brown jogged sheepishly back to the bench. "Sorry, guys, I forgot my bat."  
  
"That's okay. And don't worry," Stephanie said as she stepped closer. "I won't be mad at  
you if you mess up."  
  
Sally gasped as Stephanie approached her brother. "Don't touch him! He only fainted last  
time. What if he gets chicken pox or something this time."  
  
Charlie Brown laughed. He was glad his sister had distracted him for the moment. "Now up  
is the right fielder, Charlie Brown," announced Joey from the broadcast booth. "He takes a  
mighty cut, and hits it two hundred feet! One hundred feet up, and one hundred feet down. The  
catcher catches it for the first out."  
  
After a moment, Joey said, "His sister Sally is up next. She should be good, they named a  
whole league after her." He wasn't sure if the Sally League was really named for someone named  
Sally, but he knew it would make a good joke.  
  
Danny corrected him from his seat in the stands. "Joey, the South Atlantic League is just  
known as that because of the first three letters."  
  
Kimmy looked strangely at Danny. "Really? How do they get Sally' out of s-o-u? Is that  
one of those Spanish things?" D.J. shook her head in disbelief at Kimmy as Sally hit a ground ball  
that the shortstop caught. He threw to first for the out.  
  
"Two out in the bottom of the eighth. No runs, six hits, no errors for the Giants, and guess  
what. If you add the Yankees' totals to that, it's still the same," Joey said.  
  
Stephanie rolled her eyes as she grabbed a bat to go into the on-deck circle. "Don't worry,  
Joey. I know now. I may well get this over with," she said with a sigh.  
  
Peppermint Patty cracked a base hit with one ball and one strike on her. Stephanie followed  
by hitting enough foul balls until she drew a walk. A long hit into the gap by Bret, the boy who  
had gotten Stephanie interested in baseball last year, scored Peppermint Patty. After another out,  
the Giants ran out to the field in the top of the ninth leading 1-0.  
  
"There's one out in the ninth, score that one 4-3," Joey said after a batter hit a ball to Linus,  
who threw to first for the putout.  
  
Stephanie perspired on the mound as she pitched to the next batter. But, she wasn't nearly as  
nervous as Charlie Brown. "Don't hit it to me, don't hit it to me," he kept hollering.  
  
"Come on, blockhead, think of something positive," Lucy hollered.  
  
"Don't hit it to Lucy!" Charlie Brown shouted in to the batter. Of course, Lucy wasn't in the  
game, but maybe that would help a little.  
  
Charlie Brown grinned. Stephanie had struck the next batter out. He would think of her, not  
the no-hitter. He would think of that warm, friendly smile, of holding hands for an instant, of  
dreams of moonlit walks on the beach and dancing the waltz, with Stephanie in a lovely pink  
dress...  
  
No! He told himself. It was too late, though. Now he was not only worrying about the no-hitter, but thinking about the blonde-haired girl on the mound. She was friendly now, but if he  
messed up her no-hitter, he would probably never hear the end of it from her. She'd hate him  
forever. And, she'd tell every other girl, too. Charlie Brown is a loser, the only thing he can do  
right is mess up baseball history, they'd all say. He'd never get a date.  
  
Oh no, he thought to himself. The batter hit a lazy fly ball to right, and he was right under it.   
His legs were already wobbly from thinking about the girl on the mound - why couldn't he have  
stayed home and been rejected a dozen times by the little red-haired girl? Now, he was having  
trouble even standing, as he raised his glove and his other hand to try, somehow, to catch the ball.  
  
He felt it hit his arm, then somewhere else on his body. As he struggled to stand, he realized  
he didn't have it! "Oh, no, where's the ball!" he shouted as he searched desperately on the  
ground for it.  
  
"It's in your shirt, big brother," Sally hollered from left. Several others started saying the same  
thing, but the din of noise soon made it impossible to determine what exactly was being said.  
  
Charlie Brown wasn't paying attention, anyway. He kept running this way and that, searching  
frantically for the ball, and unable to find it while thoughts of failed no-hitters and broken hearts  
flashed through his mind. Several of his teammates ran toward him, while the batter dashed  
around the bases and many others, including Joey, doubled over in fits of laughter. Schroeder  
could barely contain himself, but he forced himself to in case the ball dropped out of Charlie  
Brown's shirt in this strange scene, and a play was needed at home plate.  
  
Soon, though, it would be too late. Charlie Brown was yelling for the ball and becoming more  
and more anxious and elusive, making him that much harder to catch. As Schroeder watched the  
batter cross home plate, he ran out to assist Stephanie and the others in the capture.  
  
Finally, as Charlie Brown kept shouting, "Where's the ball?!" several of his friends and  
teammates surrounded him and gang-tackled him. "Hey, what are you doing," he cried as Sally  
untucked his shirt and let the ball fall into her glove. She held it up for the umpire to see.  
  
"Out!" cried the umpire before collapsing in fits of laughter.  
  
Sally tossed the ball to Stephanie, and managed to recover from her giggles the soonest. "Big  
brother, the ball was in your shirt the whole time. The batter crossed home plate before we knew  
if the game was over or the score would be tied!" She shook her head. "I didn't even think you  
could do something so crazy."  
  
"It was? Did we make the out?!"  
  
As the teams congratulated each other while still laughing, Peppermint Patty said, "I gotta  
hand it to you, Chuck. I've heard of hiding the ball in your shirt in football, but never baseball."  
  
With tears in his eyes, Joey finally was able to get a word out. "That...that concludes...the no-hitter for Stephanie Tanner. Score that last one...nine and whatever you want to call it." He  
chuckled some more, than said, "Actually, if you draw a nine laying on its side laughing...you  
might get the idea a little better....Phew! I can't remember laughing that hard."  
  
"Same here," the very neatly groomed Danny said as he held the video camera with which he  
recorded the game. "I was laughing so much I think my suit actually got wrinkled."  
  
"Wow, Steph, your first no-hitter. Isn't this incredible?"  
  
"Sure is, Deej. I never thought I'd have to play a game of football to finally get it, though,"  
Stephanie admitted.  
  
The following Saturday, the families were saying goodbye to their new friends, the Tanners.  
  
"Thanks for everything, Michelle. I'm sorry I can't be your boyfriend. I already have a girl."  
  
"That's okay, Rerun. It's cool."  
  
"Shouldn't you tell me I have to get on a plane and if I don't I'll regret it?" Rerun added.  
  
"Why would I say that?" Michelle asked, thoroughly confused.  
  
"I don't know. It just sounds like something nice to say."  
  
Charlie Brown chuckled at Rerun as he looked lovingly at Stephanie. "Stephanie, I...well..that  
is, you..." He sighed. "It's so easy for Rerun."  
  
"D.J. says just wait a few years, it'll really be confusing then. And at least we did something  
great together; you helped me get my no-hitter. Good thing there were no runners on and that  
was with less than two outs, right, Dad?"  
  
Danny shook his head. "I don't know. I called the San Francisco Giants to ask them what the  
rule would be if the runners had scored or passed each other while the ball was in his shirt but not  
before it was officially caught, and they're still scratching their heads almost a week later."  
  
"That was truly a strange game," Linus said.  
  
"Yeah, and good ol' Sally was the first to notice where the ball was," Charlie Brown said  
proudly to get his mind off of Stephanie. "I always knew you could keep your wits about you."  
  
Stephanie nodded. She held Sally's hands in hers and spoke. "I knew you could, too. In fact,  
if you learn to accept your mistakes and use your experience to help others, you might even have  
a job like mine in fifth grade."  
  
"Okay, but only if Linus is in another school. I couldn't stand to hurt my sweet babboo's  
feelings by making him sit against a wall."  
  
"Not this Sweet Babboo' stuff again," Linus moaned.  
  
"Don't worry, man. You have plenty of time. Girls like her will look awesome to you in no  
time," Jesse said.  
  
"Well, he'd better be less nervous than Charlie Brown here. He keeps looking at Stephanie,  
and I think he's going to turn to stone pretty soon," Lucy complained.  
  
Once the families left, Charlie Brown finally broke out of his trance. Sally was the first to  
awaken him. "You know, big brother, you were right. It was a lot of fun there after all."  
  
"It sure was." Charlie Brown turned to Linus. "But, Linus, how am I ever going to face that  
little red-haired girl now? At least before, I could always say I'd always admired her from a  
distance, and she was the most beautiful girl in the world. But, I can't use those lines anymore.   
Even if I could get up the nerve to say them, I'd feel like a phony."  
  
"Well, then, there's just one thing to do, Charlie Brown. Offer to show her a tape of you  
making one of the craziest plays in baseball history."  
  
"That's true. Still, it seems a little embarrassing. I don't know if she'd like a guy who lost a  
baseball in his shirt."  
  
"I think that's what Stephanie tried to tell Sally when they talked several times in the past two  
weeks. You have to laugh and find someone who will laugh with you. You do some crazy  
things. But, just remember, friends like us are the ones who are willing to share everything. And,  
it's a lot more fun to share joy than sorrow," Linus concluded. 


End file.
